My sources reveal that the White House has plans to dispatch a secret elite force of commandos from the Dept of National Parks known as PENGUINS.... get that hair at all costs.
"I just have to say...... we can no longer..... ignore this terrorist threat ,,,, to good taste.... to decent hair coloring... to ... everything that is good about America." President Obama said, in that halting manner of speech that has become his endearing trade mark.
"If I can give up Marlboros.... the Donald can give up hair." The President added, smirkingly.
He further added that the elite PENGUINS will be armed with combs, brushes, Brylecreme, Hair Color for Men and "Whatever else it takes. That hair makes me ashamed to be part White."
".... and.... to be fair..... to all my Black Brothers and Sisters..... to show that I am not a racist.....Al Sharpton's stupid pompadour is in.... my cross-hairs.....too."
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