THE INVADERS

Ok. I really like trees. and bushes. and flowers. and all sorts of growing green thingees.

Not just beer, cheese and football. In truth, I am a pretty good gardener. I tried a 'Master Gardener' program at the local Tech School, but the assholes kept insisting on referring to different plants by their Latin names, which is really stupid; I have yet to hear a plant speak Latin, though if you really get drunk while gardening, it is very apparent that most species of Flora speak variations of Canadian.

So, I struck out on my own about twenty years and learned by trial and error. I became a King of Compost, a Prince of Perennials, a Sheik of Shade-plants, a Wizard of worms and a Duke of Dirt. Just sayin'. And I started hanging out with some folks who do gardening on my level..... sans Latin.

Yesterday I am in Waupaca, an hour north of town, where the consenus is that the north woods begin, and I am having a beer with my old room mate, Pete, and his brothers Dave and Dan. Invariably the conversation turns to growing things. And things that shouldn't be growing here...... and insects that shouldn't be here: milfoil, Box Elder, gypsy moths, emerald Ash borers, zebra mussels, tent catepillars........ and the one I hate the most.... Glossy European Buckthorn.

This stuff was imported as a hedge material because it grows quickly. Which is an understatement. If rabbits propagated as profusely as Asian Buckthorn, bunnies would rule the world. It sprouts early than native vegetation and has a longer growing period which in essence lets it crowd out native plants. It further has an abundance of seeds/fruits that offer no nutrition native birds or mammals and further acts as a cathartic to further spread itself, and sooner or later the native birds and mammals take off for better food. TheSome info from the WI DNR...

http://www.ipaw.org/invaders/buckthorn/index.htm

...I have cut this stuff, burned it, poisoned it ( and I really, really do not like to use chemicals in gardening) pissed on it and have even tried medieval curses. I may as well be tilting at windmills. Six years ago I completed a landscape revision for a client, an acre of natural woodland and a formal garden that was over-run with the stuff. I was out there last week and it is all back again!

Then, in the midst of all my frustration ( and a time out for a couple of beers) I realized that America is also the target of another kind of 'invasive species'..... The White-Faced-Lip-Flapper......

A

.... a species seemingly dedicated to make America a Mono-culture of hate, swill, verbal sewage and mediocrity. I best be buying a lot of weed killer this year.