Nipple Tape and other funnies

The Wonderful World Of Nipple Tape
Nipple tape is a cheap effective tool to cover the nipples for topless costumes or costumes that at risk for the dreaded nipple slip.

Tourist: Look at that bunch of cows. Farmer: Not bunch, herd.
Tourist: Heard what?
Farmer: Of cows.
Tourist: Sure I’ve heard of cows. Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.
Tourist: So what? I have no secrets from cows!

Newt Gingrich addressed his past infidelities by saying, “There’s no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”

''You all know St. Patrick is credited with banishing snakes from Ireland. But you guys know the truth, sometimes. There were never any snakes in Ireland. St. Patrick just made that up. Which explains why he's the patron saint of FOX News.''

—Vice President Joe Biden

Two Illinois tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they approached Oconomowoc they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. This went on until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist said to the cute blonde behind the counter "Can you settle an argument for us? Would you pronounce where we are, very slowly?"

The blonde leaned forward and said "Burrrr-gerrrr Kiiiing".

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "

well, I thought they were funny